Experience

Self-isolation day 147.  I have finished another painting!  I cannot put into words the measure of joy I feel at finishing this particular painting.  I have wanted to paint this subject since 2012. I have tried on three separate occasions to do it, but although they were "okay" I was not satisfied with the results.  I tried in 2013.  I tried in 2016.  I tried in 2018.  I considered them each to be failures and set flame to them.  I figured now was a good time to try again.  To be honest, I had no reason to believe that it would be successful this time but decided to try again anyway.  I chose to make it a little larger than a standard half-sheet this time, use a different paper, use different techniques, and switch up my palette.  I considered that a failure wouldn't feel quite so devastating if I didn't waste so much on the cost of supplies.  It was a straight-up gamble.  I played it with the failures at the front and center of my thoughts.  Let's be clear, that is a hard way to start anything; but it is a good way to move forward since I knew what I wasn't going to do.  I focused on this painting solely for over a  month.  There were times I wanted to rush a segment but successfully tethered my anxieties and persevered.  Let me be candid that it wasn't till near the end did I feel any confidence about this painting.  When I thought it was complete I set it aside and did something else.  I found myself picking it up and working on it about five times a day for the next three days. Finally I decided enough is enough -  it is done.  I signed it and took it off the board.  What did I learn?  Sometimes you just have to give yourself the time to mature and grow as an artist.  I accept that my ideas will not always succeed. When you analyze your own failures the point is to rethink the equation and try again.  The pivotal unknown is how much time that will take.  So I am happy this particular painting was only eight years in the making.   Cheers!  Back to my brushes.  

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​"Experience does not err.  Only your judgements err by expecting from her what is not in her power."  - Leonardo Da Vinci